The Bunker
by millieficent
Summary: A Galeniss/Everthorne fanfic, based on Part II of Mockingjay. What Katniss would have done in the bunker, if she'd really loved Gale.
1. Introduction: Chapter 1

**This chapter, in the books, is the moment when I knew Katniss didn't really love Gale. Not as much as Peeta. And although I am an avid Galeniss/Kale/Everthorne/Hawdeen, whatever you want to call them, shipper, I could tell in chapter 10+ of Mockingjay that they wouldn't end up together. Why? Because if I was Katniss and I was in this situation, and I was in love with Gale, even if I didn't know it yet, this is what I would have done.**

**I have no claim over these characters, you know Suzanne Collins owns them - I hope! The first paragraph is a direct quote from Mockingjay, Part II /The Assault/ Chapter 11 (I won't bother with pages because we all know that differs from version to version) after they recieve the warning from Peeta and get locked in the bunker. And from then on is my own fan fiction. Enjoy!**

**This is also my first fan fiction I have ever written or submitted, so please rate and review, I welcome criticisms as well as compliments! Just let me know how I'm doing, thanks for reading!**

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_"What will break me?_

_This is the question that consumes me over the next three day as we wait to be released from our prison of safety. What will break me into a million pieces so that I am beyond repair, beyond usefulness? I mention it to no one, but it devours my waking hours and weves itself throughout my nightmares."_

Is it Peeta? Would his death be the decider for me? If President Snow threatened Peeta's life, really and truly, would I give up all of this and surrender? No. I wouldn't. Rather than guilt, or fear, or sadness, I feel relief at this realisation. I know I love Peeta, and our love may have been a show at first, for me at least, but from that pretence grew something real. But it isn't the same for me, not the way it is for him. I find myself questioning my feelings every day, what is real or not real.

I don't sleep the first night in the bunker, but I hold Prim as she does. I think about her words, her wisdom, and I wonder when she became so smart. So worldly. Since when did my little sister have a better grip on reality than I did? She's a survivor, Prim. I know she'll make it through this. When the war ends, however it does end, she'll train to be a doctor, like she said. She'll be the best doctor Panem has ever seen. And she'll fall in love, and get married and have beautiful children. And that wretched cat will live nearly as long as I do.

Who knows if I will survive. Even if we win, I won't be the same. And if we don't, surely I'll die. I won't be allowed to live. And Peeta might never return to me. He might be dead already, or he might die from the injuries he suffered as he tried to save me. Save my family and our friends. It's selfish, loving Peeta, because I will never love him the way he wants me to. The way he loves me. Because all the while I sit and think of Peeta there's another concern in my head. It's always there. It was there in the 74th Hunger Games, when I cuddled next to Peeta for warmth in the cave. He was in my thoughts when I kissed Peeta on the beach. Even when I liked kissing Peeta on the beach.

I have hurt Gale too. My selfishness and my incapability to think of anyone but myself hurts everyone I love. It started with my mother, then Peeta. Prim as she ran to save Buttercup, and now Gale. But no one ever admits it. None of them tell me when I'm wrong. "It's okay, Katniss, I know you didn't mean it." "We were just trying to survive, Katniss." "Katniss, anyone would have done the same." Except Gale. He tells me. When I do something wrong, when I upset him. He tells me everything. And that's why I can't live without him, either.

_'Because I'm in pain. That's the only way I get your attention.'_ He doesn't know. He doesn't understand that it's for his own good. Nothing can happen between me and Gale. not because of Peeta, but because of me. Because I hurt people. He thinks I only care when he's in pain, but that's not true. I just care more, because it's always my fault. I'm always the one who causes his pain, and there's only one way I know the take it away, even for a little while. And then I do this; I avoid him, I hide, I don't speak to him. Not about real things, not about /us/ things. I try not to because I don't want to get his hopes up, I don't want him to think that we have a future. The truth is I don't have any future, with anyone. I should have died in the 74th Hunger Games.

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**Not a lot of action, I'm sorry! But I wanted to do just a short intro chapter, so I could get a feel for what I wanted to write and ease people into the idea. I love Galeniss fanfics but they always seem to jump straight in without explaining how they came to suddenly fall into each other's arms, and I hope I've avoided that and made it seem more realistic, more in character. The next is coming up shortly, it's already written I'm just triple checking and getting some opinions. So if you would like a sneak peek of any of my chapters let me know, because I'd love any and all feedback before or after posting them on here!**


	2. Chapter 2

In the morning Prim gets called to relieve my mother at the nurse's station. She's been working all night. There's no new injuries, but the ill still need attending to, thanks to Peeta's warning everyone got into the bunker in time. Just. My thoughts drift back to Gale again. I need to thank him. I need to make things right. He was so blunt the last time we spoke, I wonder if he even registered my gratitude. I don't think I was very convincing, Gale tells me I never am. He says the only time he see the real me is in the woods.

I was too concerned with Prim last night to give the Hawthorne family much thought, but now I have a few minutes to myself with only my darkening thoughts to keep me company, I decide I should see them. Buttercup is missing, probably followed Prim to the makeshift hospital, and my mother is sound asleep on the bottom bunk. But I don't know that all my family is safe.

It doesn't take me long to find compartment Forty-Seven. What delays me is the other citizens of District Thirteen stopping me to ask me questions, or mention how grateful we all are to Peeta. I can't think about Peeta right now, Gale occupies too much of my brain space. It's all I can do not to push past them and sprint to where I know he'll be. I manage gentile smiles and murmurs of appreciation. I can't soothe their fears now; I can be calm, but all I really seem is oblivious or apathetic, I'm sure.

With the interuptions and slow pace I choose to follow, it takes me nearly half an hour before I arrive at Forty-Seven. Posy sees me before Gale does, toddling towards me with her arms outstretched.

"Kat-iss!" She squeals triumphantly as I lift her into the air, settling her on my hip for a cuddle as she rests her head on my shoulder. Gale looks up at me from where he is sat on one of their bottom bunks, between Vick and Rory. I offer him a weak smile, and hope he still knows me as well as he used to. I don't know why I think this, nothing has changed, not really. It isn't the first time Gale and I have kissed, but something makes it feel more significant. Maybe it is because I started it, when we were both in conscious state. Neither of us can ignore this, or pretend it didn't happen. And somehow I don't want to.

"Come on, boys. Time to eat." Hazelle beckons her youngest children, and they eagerly follow. She takes Posy from me, with no complaint on my part, and offers me a gentle smile. Something in her eyes makes me pause for thought. Like she knows what happened. Like she always knew it would happen. I can't speak, but I respond with a small smile of my own, conveying my thanks, maybe. I don't know exactly.

"Hey, Catnip."

Gale knows why I am here. How can he know before I fully understand myself? Sometimes I forget that he knows me better than I know myself, better than anyone else. Even Peeta. He slides up the bed a little and pats the empty space beside him. I still haven't found my voice as I settle next to him, leaning into the warm, side of him without even thinking about my gesture.

"What's up? Capitol got your tongue?" He's teasing me, I know, but I can't laugh at this. He doesn't know. He never saw Darius as an Avox. I allow the corners of my mouth to twitch in a brief almost-smile, induling him this once.

"Thank you." I don't look at him, I can't. My voice is barely more than a whisper, but he hears me. I know there will be no frown of confusion on his face. He knows what I'm talking about. Gale always does.

"Well, I knew how you just couldn't live without Buttercup." He chuckles, gently laying an arm around my shoulders.

How is it this easy? Why was I so scared all this time? Being with Gale is the most natural thing in the world to me, it has been since we met in the woods all those years ago. It's being apart from him that I can't stand.

"When did you know?" I brave the question that has been racing through my mind since before the Quarter Quell. Something I've been wondering since that first time he kissed me by the meadow. My head tilts up slightly to look at him, to watch the expression on his face. This is something I have to know.

This time he does look confused, thinking for a moment that we are still talking about Prim's stupid cat.

"Know what?" He questions me, puzzled. "That you hated that cat? From the minute Prim dragged it home." He laughs again, and I can feel the vibrations in his chest from the proximity. Maybe he doesn't want to talk about me, maybe discussing his emotions makes him uncomfortable, vulnerable. Gale is always so strong. I think I have seen him cry twice through our whole friendship.

"Know that..." I can feel my cheeks warming up. Right now they might just be flushed, but in seconds, less than that maybe, they'll burn like the fire I'm supposed to emulate. "That-" I still can't get the words out. I can't phrase it right, I can't really decide what I'm asking. I turn my head away so Gale won't see the redness in my cheeks.

"That I wanted you?" He finished my sentence, like he has done so many times before. But this time is different, his voice is breathy and strained, so different from the lighthearted laughter moments before. His arm is still draped across my shoulders, although now I feel his muscles tense, reminding me of the power in them. As he tickles the end of my braid with his hand, it sends shocks of electricity up the length of my hair, through my scalp and all over my body.

For the first time I really do feel like the girl on fire.

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**Two short chapters, I know. They won't all be so lame/short, I hope! It just felt like a good line to finish the chapter on.**

**Rates/reviews are appreciated, with all kinds of criticism!**

**Thanks for reading, chapter 3 will come soon!**


	3. Chapter 3

I can't look up at him. If my cheeks were blushing before, now they're positively burning. The shade of the plums in that lamb stew I loved so much. At least that's how I feel, Gale seems unaffected. He is, always has been, so confident about everything. He isn't one to lose control of emotions, unless he's on one of his rants about the Capitol. It dawns on me now, that its always with me that he seems so sure. He knows what I'm thinking, what I'm planning, before I even know it myself. It's to be expected, I suppose. Four years hunting together in the woods, you learn things about each other, without even realising it.

But, if this is the case, why do I still find Gale so hard to understand? It's in moments like this, when he drops his guard, that I know him, when he's my Gale. I know that at the wrong word or gesture from me he will freeze, shut me out. Possibly for good this time, I've made too many mistakes. I won't let my fears ruin another perfect moment with Gale.

I nod my head slowly, leaning closer into his side and resting my head gently on his shoulder. "Mhm." I confirm his suspicions, admit this is my question. This is right, comfortable, Gale's arm around my shoulder, my head tucked into the little hollow between his collarbone and his strong neck.

I think I've finally done something right, finally given him the response he wants, but then he stops breathing. His hand, that was absentmindedly fiddling with the end of my braid, stops suddenly. Gale's frozen. I've ruined it again.

I panic. When will I stop hurting Gale? Will he always be my victim, collateral damage of my selfishness? My breathing quickens, and there's adrenalin coursing through my veins. Fight or flight. I jerk my head up, not even worrying about my expression, because surely now my face is blanched white with concern. "Gale?" My voice sounds foreign, croaky and hoarse. My eyes search his face for signs of him slipping back into that hard mask. Looking for signs that he's closing off from me again. Instead, I'm surprised. His eyes are closed and he looks almost calm. His lips are pressed together in a tight line, neither smiling nor frowning, more like... like he's holding back. He's concentrating, like he's hunting. But hunting what?

Confusion eases my panicked features, my eyebrows knit together in a frown. I still don't know what he's feeling, what he's thinking. "Gale." My voice sounds more urgent this time, pleading but still quiet. The next compartment is home to a couple and their two young children, I don't want them to be part of this. They're not, but I feel like they're watching, like my life is some entertaining programme that the general public derive amusement from. Like the Games.

"Hm?" Gale wakes from his reverie, his eyes opening and turning to me. He breathes out slowly, and his thumb brushes aganst my arm as he cups my shoulder. Part of me wishes he would keep playing with my hair, but I can't ask him to. I don't deserve it, I don't have the right to make requests of Gale. He acts as if nothing happened, as if he hasn't just scared me half to death. If anything, he looks surprised to see me looking so panicked, his eyebrows raised incredulously. Its probably only been a few seconds, I expect that it just felt longer to me.

"You okay, Catnip?" Am I okay? I can't tell if he's joking. His face looks sincere, but why would there be anything wrong with me? But then I realise, my face must be paler than ever, and signs of panic or confusion would be obvious to someone who's spent four years looking at my face.

"What just happened?" As usual my lack of eloquence is painfully obvious, as is the slight squeal in my voice. I'm definitely attracting his neighbours' attentions now. "To you, just now. You..." In response to my confusion, Gale looks like he doesn't know whether to laugh or tell me I'm mad. Either or both could possibly be suitable responses. He raises his eyebrows momentarily, as if he doesn't know what I'm talking about, or he's surprised that I don't already know the answer. Gale makes this face a lot, especially to me. I ask stupid questions, and at first he would just point out the answer, but now he usually waits for me to realise my own stupidity. This time, however its not so obvious. But as soon as he opens his mouth to explain, I get it.

"Oh." It was me. He wasn't hunting, not in the traditional sense. It was me.

"You scare so easily sometimes." Gale laughs and stokes my hair gently. I lean back into him, almost nuzzling the top of my head into his neck. I hope this won't stop him again, I hope it encourages him to continue. Whether it does or not, he seems content that I'm not about to bolt, and he doesn't stop.

I didn't do anything wrong, for once. It was because I did something right that he was so shocked. Its almost embarassing. He froze, stopped still, like we would in the woods if we spotted something, not making a sound or even a breath so as not to scare off the prey. Gale didn't want to frighten me off, I always seem to run away when we get this close. Something in the back of my mind still tells me to walk away. There's a niggling voice saying I need to let Gale live, and accept that I won't be part of his future. But most of my mind, the predominantly selfish part, says stay. A deep breath fills my nostrils with the smell of Gale. It's different, now, not what I expect. All this time underground, away from the sulphurous reek of the coal mines, away from the fresh, woody scent of the pine forest. He smells clean, dry, almost sterile in this hospital-like environment, with it's whitewash walls and constant decontamination. But it's still him. He's still mine.

"I don't know." He answers after a short while. For a few minutes we just sat there in each other's company, no words needed, just absorbing the presence of each other. That much time has passed since I asked the question, or rather tried to ask it, that I've almost forgotten what Gale's talking about. "I knew the morning you were reaped." He admits, and I understand. I wonder why it never occured to me that Gale might love me, more than he loved Rory or Vick or even Prim. Maybe because that wasn't one of my concerns. I was only sixteen, but I hardly led the life of a normal teenager. Gale, on the other hand, was eighteen, approaching his final reaping. He'd been preparing to face the working world of the District 12 coal mines, ready to lead an adult life. It isn't surprising, now that I really consider it, that he was thinking about the other components to adult life. Marriage. Family. A wife and children. Not necessarily that seriously, I suppose. I'd never thought about it much before, Gale thinking of other girls. Kissing other girls. Holding them like he holds me. I feel a strange feeling shoot through me, like a stabbing pain in my gut. It's jealousy. Thinking about Gale with someone else makes me angry, and jealous. Like I want to make him forget all the Madges and Dellys out there and only think of me. If he didn't keep talking I probably would have tried to.

"I meant what I said. I would have run away with you. Saved you." I know he would have. But I was right, we wouldn't have made it five miles. Not when they called out Prim's name and no one came forward. Not her, not me. No tribute and no volunteer. We would have suffered the same fate as Lavinia and her brother. Except there would have been four times as many of us. Four times easier to catch. With the children slowing us down, we would never have made it.

I frown, almost wishing he'd told me that morning. But then, that would have changed everything. My entire approach to the Games would have been different, I'd have been fighting twice as hard, to come back to Prim and to come back to Gale. "I'm sorry." I knew how I felt about kissing Peeta. That every kiss was a statement, something to keep us both alive. But at the same time, it felt wrong, like I was betraying Gale. Gale, who had never even shown any romantic interest in me before I came back from the Games. Gale, who I had never considered as any more than the brother I never had.

He chuckles, and I know he's not upset, not right now. "You didn't know, Katniss. I... I should have told you." He turns his head slightly to rest it on top of mine, and his hand stops stroking my hair. I'm about to complain, not through words but maybe a subtle pout or groan, but instead he holds the end of my plait between his thumb and forefinger and strokes it across my cheek. It tickles. I flinch into his side slightly, an automatic response to the strange sensation on the soft skin of my cheek. I remember the last time someone did this to me, and wonder if Gale realises what he's doing.

"It didn't seem right. It bothered me, I didn't want to watch, but I couldn't look away." He admits. I realise he's talking about me kissing Peeta, and he understands my apology.

I want to tell him how much it bothered me too, how those kisses didn't count, not to me. Gale was my first real kiss. That day he kissed me by the fence on the edge of the woods, that was when I realised I loved Gale. When I realised how much trouble I could cause. And now look at us, locked in an underground nuclear bunker in a supposedly uninhabited district.

He stops brushing my cheek, instead running a thumb over the length of braid he holds in his palm. "When... When you kissed him, I didn't understand. It wasn't like you, you barely knew him. At least... You'd never told _me_ about him before." Gale's jealous, and a guilty little part of my brain loves it. Knowing that how I feel about him with other girls is the same way he feels about me and Peeta, it's... It's like some kind of exclusivity. The relationship that we'll actually never be allowed to have will still exist, in our hearts.

"I didn't. Not really. We'd never spoken, but I saw him once." I decide not to tell Gale about the time that Peeta saved my life. Mine, Prim's, my mother's. It was before I knew Gale, and it seems a lifetime ago. It would only trouble him further, there's no need for that. Besides, that's one of the few memories Peeta and I have between us, private. Not filmed, not acted. Just us.

"Watching you... Kissing him. On those screens. I hated it. But I knew it wasn't fair. That you weren't mine. I had no right..." Gale lets out a heavy sigh, and I turn to get a better look at him. He lifts his chin off of the top of my head to accomodate my movements, raising his eyebrows like he can't see what's coming. He doesn't know what I'm thinking. For once. I want to tell him he did have the right, that it felt wrong for me too. I want to tell him they didn't count, and I wished it was Gale I'd been kissing. Instead I tilt my head and seek out his lips. I no longer care about the family in the compartment next to us. The appreciation everyone shows for Peeta saving our lives is far from my mind now. All I care about is showing Gale appreciation for saving _me_. For letting me choose, knowing it could have been Peeta, but hoping for what I know is true. It's him. It will always be. Gale.

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**Sorry this chapter's taken longer than I expected! I just kept going, on and off, and couldn't find the place where it felt _right_ to stop, you know?**

**But this feels ~right.**

**Firstly, thank you all so so soooo much for your wonderful reviews! I was actually shocked by how positive they all were - I really didn't think this was going to be that good.**

**Also, after this chapter I definitely feel like I could squeeze on more out on this scene (can't leave it hanging on a possible Galeniss kiss!) But then after that I'm not sure what I want from it, what direction to take. So I would like your opinions! **

**I could just do one more chapter and finish it off there, and then go on and do something different wherever my muse takes me. (I'm feeling a Haymitch's past idea rn. But Idk) Or I might continue on with Mockingjay:Rewritten. Like the rescue of Annie, Peeta and Johanna (because Finnick without Annie is like toast without butter) But I'll only bother with that if there's enough interest in that kind of story. Like I said, I didn't even really expect this one to be much of a success, and I wasn't really sure where it was going to lead when I started. I just tend to type and see what happens. Resulting in rambles like this!**

**Ps. I feel like I could have gone deeper into the whole "You scare so easily sometimes." thing. I don't think I explained it too well. That may happen in a future edit/update of the chapter.**

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**Me again!**

**I've just edited the last part of this chapter, from Gale's "I don't know" onwards. Something didn't sit right with me about it, I felt sure Gale knew before the Games, and that's how I'd originally written it. And on my umpteenth read of that chapter of Mockingjay I realised the Darius thing was 6 months BEFORE the Games, not after. Dunce alert, I know. So I got to change it back to how I wanted y/y**

**Also, I mentioned I wanted to go into the "You scare so easily sometimes" bit because I didn't explain it well. I've actually decided that instead, I'm going to take advice from one of my lovely reviewers and write the chapter from Gale's perspective! That way it should make more sense. I feel like a lot of what goes on between them is unspoken and hard to explain from a Katniss POV, and I'd really liked to try and get inside Gale's head. I don't know whether this will come next or after the follow up chapter. I'm gonna work on them both simultaneously and juts see what finishes first!**


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